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Smash Fiction is a debate-style comedy podcast in which a rotating cast of nerds argue on behalf of their chosen fictional characters. Only one can win!

Dec 8, 2019

There's multitalented characters and then there's multitalented characters. In this match, we compare the most overqualified contestants possible for our Polymathlete Decathlon. No other podcast has the brilliance, the vision, the madness to bring together Mario of video game fame, Barbie of plastic toy fame, and Buckaroo Banzai of cult classic film fame. You'd think by episode 148 we've already reached the heights of weirdness we're capable of, but this episode proves that there's no upper limit to our insanity. 

Listen as Claire dives deep into the vast back catalog of Mario media, Liz calls reality into question (more than once), and MeganBob drives a taxi for a bit. Stay strapped in for one of the most out of the box rounds of rebuttals we've ever had.

Dec 1, 2019

Despite all their planning and preparation, the League find themselves on the back foot as the Doom Star reaches completion. All that's left now is a last-ditch attempt to try and destroy it before the Father of Machines uses it to conquer the multiverse once and for all. Will the combined might of the Extraordinary League be enough to break Phyrexia's ultimate weapon, or will our heroes find themselves... doomed?

Stitch builds a pepperoni effigy; Luna reaches out with her feelings; Archer has one more for the road; and Mordin learns from the best.

Thanks again to Mr. Jumbo for this episode's intro music! Check out more of his works at youtube.com/jumboguitarist.

Nov 24, 2019

The fourth and final Smash Fiction elemental free-for-all hits like an avalanche as three terrakinetics throw down for supremacy! The dragon Deathwing looks to celebrate his previous conquests and set the stage for his next glorious victory by staging a tournament of earth-users. Three magic portals later, he has his competitors: Toph Beifong from Avatar: The Last Airbender, Alex Louis Armstrong from Fullmetal Alchemist, and Terra of the Teen Titans from DC Comics!

Which dirt-flinging powerhouse will win the favor of Deathwing the Destroyer? And more importantly, can Claire, Dan, and Kit survive that most earth-shattering of threats: a Liz Logan lightning round?!

Nov 17, 2019

You know how some movies become so widely-seen and are so influential that they become an unavoidable part of everyday life? The kinds of movies that you just HAVE to see? Well that's what we have for you in the lab today. It was inevitable, really. I mean, not only do we have characters from Ponyo, Transformers, There Will Be Blood, and The Muppets, but we also have podcaster (and lead character designer from Archer) Shannon Manor lending her talents to the episode!

You HAVE to listen to this one. Otherwise how are you going to get all the jokes about goats, future ties, and close-up magic that all the cool kids are telling?

Nov 10, 2019

Boy, that Parker luck really is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it? When the Daily Bugle's most mediocre photographer gets sent to Gotham City to capture some images of the psychological hospital and prison known as Arkham Asylum, he ends up at ground zero for a huge breakout of superpowered psychopaths. This may not, strictly speaking, be a job for Spider-Man... but he's the only person who could possibly take on the many supervillains that are now running free through the asylum's darkened hallways. Will Spider-Man catch these criminals just like flies, or will the combined forces of Harley Quinn, the Scarecrow, Killer Croc, Bane, Poison Ivy, and the Joker have the last laugh?

We have neither the great power nor the great responsibility to tackle this issue on our own. Fortunately we managed to rope in author, podcaster, and superhero scholar Joshua Unruh to break down comics' greatest rogues' gallery! Join us as Claire employs some psychological warfare of her own, Dan tries VERY HARD to be objective, Meganbob sexualizes the asylum itself, and Miles takes a bow in his final episode as a judge!

Nov 3, 2019

While the rest of the League work to prepare for the final battle against Doom and his forces, Mordin takes a small group to a different world in search of the final gemstone to defeat Phyrexia. They'll soon find, however, that this is a dangerous world, that the Phyrexians are not far behind, and that, even in the remote parts of the multiverse, they can always find a familiar face.

Mordin tries on an old look; Sombra really needs to be nerfed; Titania gives out some questionable boons; Elijah Snow fights fire without fire; and Skeletor battles the fearsome branch troll.

Special thanks to both Mr. Jumbo for the intro music (youtube.com/jumboguitarist) and to Sound Makers for the special character theme halfway through the episode (youtube.com/bobthesheep22)!

Oct 27, 2019

Smash Fiction has always been about answering the oldest questions, and on this final episode of Smashtoberfest, we answer one of the oldest: Which Death is the best Death? It's a Death-Off, you might call it. Or maybe a Death Match. A Death Fight. A Death Conflict. A War of Deaths. A High-Tension Situation Between Deaths. A Deathybrook. I don't know, maybe there's some other, more marketable term for this kind of thing that could conceivably become popular on a platform like YouTube, but I'm sure I don't know what it is.

Anyway, when the afterlife suddenly has an opening at the position of psychopomp, four fictional Deaths arrive to apply for the job. Death from Discworld writes out his application in all caps; Death from Sandman shows up for her interview in an outfit so outlandishly gothy that only she could possibly pull it off; Death from Bill And Ted's Bogus Journey is ready to show off a wide range of gaming skills; and nobody from Afterlife Resources is quite prepared when it's time to meet Joe Black. Which Death will successfully demonstrate their skill at transitioning souls to the next life and snag the gig with the biggest scythe (not to mention some sweet benefits)?

Sharon Schneiderman returns to help us find out in an episode that, with no adult supervision in sight, rapidly descends into ridiculous chaos, never to recover. Also, Liz Logan outsources her argument, MeganBob demands softnessfaction, and Miles bullshits his last.

Oct 20, 2019

Welcome back to Ship Wrecked, and do we have a show for you! It's an episode of firsts: not only does Miles join the cast, but so does our special guest Spike from the Phantom Heights podcast! And of course, because it's the time of year that we call Smashtoberfest, we try our hand at an extra-spooky episode of Ship Wrecked. Will our contestants--a businessman, a madman, an arachnid princess, and the literal devil--find love with each other? Come to think of it, with Halloween right around the corner, will any of them survive the terrors to come?

And, because it's Smashtoberfest, we also make use of music from https://filmmusic.io, "The Dread" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com). License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Oct 13, 2019

Welcome, dear listeners, to The Last Smashtoberfest! To kick off our final month of horror-inspired content, aka "just a flimsy excuse to make Halloween jokes in silly voices," we have a pair of video game vampires at each other's throats!

When the nameless world of Dark Souls requires an undead hero to find the Kiln of the First Flame, it's clearly a job for Raziel, wielder of the Soul Reaver and longtime nemesis lover frenemy of the vampire Kain! The time-traveling savior of Nosgoth might have to take possession of a random corpse every time he gets killed by the notoriously bad-ass monsters of Dark Souls, but that's nothing when you've already arranged your own resurrection or whatever. Soul Reaver is a hell of a drug, y'all. What matters is, he's up to the task.

Unfortunately, Raziel isn't the only deathless abomination wandering these parts. Alucard, hero of Castlevania and winner of Spelling Your Dad's Name Backwards as an Act of Rebellion Magazine's Sexiest Man of the Year award three years running, is also here, and also eager to prove that he can conquer Dark Souls. Which gothic vampire boi will get the job done first and make their way to the Kiln, and the narratively impressive moral quandary that lies inside?

Liz Logan breaks out her signature opening argument moves, Claire has a complicated history with Soul Reaver, and Alucard moons everybody. Plus, a brand new Smashtoberfest intro from Miles and Sharon that is simultaneously a labor of love and DEEPLY stupid. Thanks as always to Kevin MacLeod for the song we used, which is called "The Dread." Welcome to the end times!

Oct 6, 2019

With Doom's sinister plot drawing ever-closer to completion, the League know that they have to take any opportunity they can to strike out at the metallic despot. It's no wonder, then, that when Doom's secret time platform is discovered on the volcanic world of Mustafar, the League send five of their most dangerous members to destroy it. Will these heroes strike a telling blow against the lord of Phyrexia, or will they and their mission burn to ash?

Squirrel Girl puts her degree to work; Amethyst tries some identity theft; Brock Samson charges into danger; Godzilla points out the folly of Doom; and Dante is deeply unqualified for a leadership position.

Special thanks to both Mr. Jumbo for the intro music (youtube.com/jumboguitarist) and to Megaraptor for the final song before the credits (https://www.youtube.com/MultiPetriS)!

Sep 29, 2019

This podcast is contentious by nature, but if there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that humans suck and animals are way cooler and more interesting in every way. At least, we all agree on that when Kit is running Surprise Party and everyone wants her to award them the most points! It's a jungle out there in Smash Metafiction, and when Claire, Liz, and Miles all find themselves in the care of a human dumpus who, while undeniably shitty, doesn't deserve to get torn apart by Shere Khan, it's up to them to gather a group of animal protectors to ensure the hopeless little bastard gets safely back to the Man Village. On a related note, smash the animated patriarchy.

But getting this kid home alive isn't the easiest thing in the world when hypnotic snakes, militaristic elephants, and pyromaniac monkey kings are all standing in your way. Which team of vaguely defined taxonomies will prove to have the Char(acter) Necessities? With our version of the Jungle Book downloaded and ready to hit your headphones, you're just the touch of a play button away from learning the answers and making all the other apes want to be like you!

Sep 22, 2019

Well, we asked our Patrons to vote on a list of matches that each involved four characters played by a single actor...and you voted for this one. The Tim Curry match. "Fists of Curry," some have called it. Personally, we prefer "Mad Tim: Curry Road." Mostly because of the "mad" part. This episode is rank lunacy, and you have only yourselves to blame. Don't look at us like that. You know what you did.

Of course, we did choose the specific characters, to be fair. We're the ones who decided this match should involve four extremely over-the-top Curry villains. We also decided to set the match in the context of the amazing Clue movie, also starring Tim Curry. Does the Lightning Round have something to do with Tim Curry too, you ask? Answer: yes, but only by accident. We'll explain when we get there. For now, the question is, can Pennywise the Dancing Clown from the 1990 miniseries It manage to discreetly murder all the characters from Clue using only their fears, and presumably some balloons? Will Hexxus from Ferngully poison their food and their air and clandestinely schlorp to victory? Will the Lord of Darkness from Legend get over his numerous crushes and remind everyone what they say about guys with big horns? Or will Long John Silver from Muppet Treasure Island use the power of reverse psychology to get away with the gold?

You might have brought this chaos down upon the world, but hey, we tried to make the best of it. And by "the best of it" we mean "several attempts at Tim Curry accents with varying degrees of success." Even Hub from Titan Up The Defense gave it a shot. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Sep 15, 2019

Time to fire up the ol' bunsen burners again, because Claire, Kit, and Miles, joined for the first time in a long time by special guest Tim Mulkerin, are back in the lab to try and somehow stitch a compelling screenplay together with randomly selected characters and story elements drawn from existing works of fiction! But this time around, the group faces possibly their toughest challenge yet. Can they make a happy Christmas movie out of stuff from A Quiet Place and The Shining, with a set of characters that includes at least one professional wrestler? Do they even need to? Where did these Japanese cat demons come from? Why are zombies? You know what, no more questions. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Sep 8, 2019

It's been many years and many iterations, but Ultron finally holds victory in his indestructible metallic grasp! So what if he had to travel to the Earth of a parallel universe to do so? He still managed to put all of that Earth's heroes in a comatose state, and that counts as a win!

...

Well, except for the one hero he missed, a plant elemental calling himself Swamp Thing, who now stands as the last bulwark of defense between the Earth and mechanical doom.

The stage is set for the ultimate clash between these two immortal foes and their vast armies. Can the plant-based forces of DC's verdant vegetation-based vigilante outgrow their android nemeses? Or will Marvel's creepiest construct and his waves of robots finally tear up Swamp Thing by the roots?

Hub from the fantastic podcast Titan Up the Defense joins us for this epic battle of plants vs. robots, and you should too!

Sep 1, 2019

While Stitch leads a rescue team and Archer tracks down a bounty hunter, Luna has a very different mission. Along with a motley group of other Leaguers, she sets out to the ruins of a Jedi temple in search of ancient secrets of the Force. The League isn't the only group with their eyes on this temple, however, and if the agents of the Empire don't get them, the Dark Side just might.

Luna knows how to ask politely; Geralt shows up a bit underdressed; Morgana reaps the whirlwind; Bowsette has to confront her past; and Tuvok may have just broken the game.

Special thanks to both Mr. Jumbo for the intro music (youtube.com/jumboguitarist) and to Thanasis Lightbridge for the final combat theme (youtube.com/thanasislightbridge)! Additional music from https://filmmusic.io - "Killers" and "Oppressive Gloom" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com). License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Aug 25, 2019

It's that time again, naughty children: educational budget cut season! Under the Boris Johnson government, there's just not enough money in Britain for silly things like "schools" and "teachers" and "preparing the next generation to avert, or at least survive, the upcoming post-capitalist apocalypse." We're trying to turn a profit here, after all! Surely you wouldn't want to impinge upon our freedom! (Incidentally, there are several similar analogies to the current political climate sprinkled throughout this episode -- see if you can catch them all!)

...although it has to be said, there is one good thing to come out of this horrible public education budget. Two particular schools are up for inspection by the superintendent, and due to cost constraints, whichever school is deemed the lesser will see its headmistress sacked for incompetence. Why is this a good thing, you ask? Well, one of the headmistresses is Agatha Trunchbull, the massive Olympian and notorious child-thrower who was recently chased out of Crunchem Hall (and indeed, her home town) by the telekinetic five-year-old Matilda Wormwood. And the other is Dolores Umbridge, lately of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, from which she was removed after her gross abuses of power caused several prominent students, led by Harry Potter, to revolt against her. Both of them are absolutely horrible people with no business teaching children of any age or level of magical ability, but alas, the one that can best keep their students under control during the inspection will (somehow) keep her job at her new school. Still, one out of two ain't bad, as they say in the fictional 1980s England that exists only in my mind.

Two former Smash Fiction champions, Natasha Winters and Marissa Bond, return to help us decide which evil teacher is better at tormenting children into temporary subservience, because we're all terrible and everybody here deserves to lose. The jokes are still funny, though! Promise!

Aug 18, 2019

You know, here on Smash Fiction, we're pretty open and honest with our fans. But that doesn't mean there aren't still some secrets we've been keeping close to the vest. Like the fact that three of our hosts are aspiring Pokémon trainers, for example. Not something we usually advertise. But it's true! Dan, Kit, and Claire have each caught and trained six fictional monsters (I mean, characters -- though at least three or four of them are also monsters) of varying types from across the multiverse, and are about to begin their greatest adventure yet!

But between the nefarious Squirtle Squad, a mysterious Pokémon in a mech suit, and the ever-present machinations of Team Rocket, it's a dangerous world out there for our trainers and their fictional companions. Which of them will become the very best, like no one ever waaaaaaaaaaaas? You gotta catch every minute of this episode to learn the answer! Podcast listener, we choose you!

Aug 11, 2019

When Doc Brown and Marty McFly pick up evidence of a time traveler in 1995 Los Angeles, they take the DeLorean there hoping to find a new friend in their temporal travels. What they find is the killer liquid metal cyborg known as the T-1000... and it turns out that Marty and Doc are both on his hitlist! They manage to escape their first encounter, but the DeLorean's time circuits are damaged in the process. Can they stay one step ahead of the murderous robot until they can escape back to 1985, or are they OUTATIME?

Come for special guest advocate Rafael Medina, stay for Space Judge Liz waxing nostalgic about 90s fashion... and for a very unique shindig in the Lightning Round.

Aug 4, 2019

The League are actively seeking information about Doom's secret weapon, but reliable sources are few and far between. They learn that a bounty hunter in a swanky Cloud City casino may hold the secrets they're after... but there are three potential hunters and not a lot of time. Can our heroes get in close to these killers-for-hire, or will they blow their cover?

Elphaba slips into something less comfortable; Archer is Randy; Lara places a long bet; Blasto finds a new fan; and Miss Piggy cuts a rug.

Thanks again to Mr. Jumbo for the intro music used in this episode! Check out more of his work at youtube.com/jumboguitarist. Additional background ambiance taken from Sleep Sounds Express at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7lKPm75KvH73aVhJYp5WXQ?fbclid=IwAR0eX6NpG4MhixrWBMOlb76cgb258CPFUivJn7ndd9x_adHy7o1ij4PQbzQ.

Aug 1, 2019

Hey look, the anniversary episode is on time this year! Maybe we ARE improving!

Join Claire, Dan, Kit, Liz, and Miles, with a special appearance from the vacationing MeganBob, as they celebrate four years of complete madness, inexplicably aided and abetted by all of you. Once again, the episode opens with a patented SmashFic Supercut (longer and more self-indulgent than ever!) followed by the hosts, as usual, attempting to answer more listener questions than they could possibly get to. And finally, the special ends with an important announcement about the future of Smash Fiction.

Thank you all so much for listening to this dumb show for four whole years. It bears repeating, as it always does, that we could not have done it without you.

And once again, eternal thanks go out to Kevin MacLeod of www.incompetech.com for our music, which in this episode includes his songs Amazing Plan, Balloon Game, and Rains Will Fall.

Jul 28, 2019

The villainous crime boss known as the Octopus has kept the citizens of Central City held tightly in an eight-tentacled grip of terror for a long time--perhaps too long a time, as it turns out, for the Octopus has drawn the attention of a quartet of dark and brooding heroes. All of them have designs on the Octopus and his criminal empire, but which will be the one to take this villain down? Will it be the evil-slamming Phantom, the mind-clouding Shadow, the strangely anachronistic Darkman, or the watch-having Dick Tracy?

Tune to hear Kit cling to the past (tense), Dan invoke Robocop, Claire struggle not to gush about the Shadow, Meganbob try out yet another personality, and Miles... well, Miles is beyond earthly cares at this point. Plus a very unexpected guest advocate shows up!

Programming Note: We had a somewhat long and fun side discussion about the films we watched for this match that we've moved to our Patreon page. It's available to anyone, whether you're a Patron or not, so be sure to check it out at patreon.com/smashfictionpodcast.

Additional music this episode from https://filmmusic.io is "Deadly Roulette" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com). License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Jul 24, 2019

Introducing a brand new pro wrestling podcast featuring Miles Schneiderman and MeganBob! Can Miles use his favorite wrestling show, NXT, to help Bob understand and enjoy the pro wrestling genre? Will Bob just start shipping everyone and read extraordinarily nerdy fanfic on the air? ¿Porque no los dos?

Follow on Twitter @nxtwrestlingfan, on Facebook at The NXT Wrestling Fan Podcast, and at nxtwrestlingfan.libsyn.com.

Jul 21, 2019

Claire, Miles and MeganBob are back in the lab, and joining them is Lawful and Orderly's own Andrew Young! Andrew brought a rather unique side dish to this particular picnic, and as a result, crafting a workable story out of these random pop culture artifacts is perhaps more of a challenge this week than usual. But of course, the greater the challenge, the sweeter the taste of success! Can Andrew and the rest of the gang prevent this episode from eating itself to death, with a set of tools that includes a Marvel Comics antihero, an insane news anchor, and a controversially cast baby? Or will they discover that the real screenplay was the terrible recurring jokes they made along the way?

Jul 15, 2019

Hey all! Our four-year anniversary episode is coming up, meaning we'll be taking your questions once again! If you have any questions you'd like us to address on the show, please get those into us by July 24th. We'd prefer an email with "Anniversary" in the subject line, but any of our usual methods of communication--Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, etc--will also work. Thank you!

Jul 14, 2019

Welcome, once again, to Tokyo, Japan. Once again, the stage is set for an age-old conflict to play itself out once more on the streets of this iconic city. Is it kind of insane that this keeps happening? Sure. Is there any end to the cycle of violence and confusion? Probably not. But are we going to try, once again, to repair the rift between opposing forces and find some sort of common ground? I mean, it's not what we usually do around here, but hey, you never know.

...wait, WarGreymon vs. Mechagodzilla? A pitched battle between a pair of powerful pugilists? Oh yeah, I guess that's also happening. I was talking about the conflict between Miles and all things produced by Japanese media. See, Miles is the judge for this one, and he knows almost nothing about Digimon. So in order to make their arguments, this week's advocates are going to have to... explain a few things. Will Miles' brain survive long enough for him to reach a verdict? Is there any hope that he might come out of this match with something resembling a better understanding of how and why these small digital monsters transform into larger monsters? And most importantly, is there any limit to the number of words you can add the prefix "digi" to?

Have no fear, listeners, there is also an actual match in here somewhere. A match in which Tai Kamiya's faithful friend, Agumon, must use all the powers of his final form in an attempt to defeat the metallic cyborg version of Godzilla! Will WarGreymon's Dramon Destroyers and Chrome Digizoid be enough to overcome the evil impostor and protect the DigiDestined? Or will Mechagodzilla's eye lasers, missile fingers, and gun knees bring it the victory over its comparatively diminutive adversary? Find out in what might be the most convoluted and yet joke-packed episode of Smash Fiction yet!

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