Even Mal Reynolds, captain of the Firefly-class transport ship Serenity and unrepentant atheist, and Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon and longtime Force-skeptic, would have to admit that this match was destined to happen eventually. Via a series of events that can most accurately be described as "wormholes for days," the two notorious smugglers-with-hearts-of-gold find themselves trapped in a strange galaxy that can be most accurately described as "far," and "possessing the qualities of a scape." Only one roguishly good-looking sci-fi sex icon can find the wormhole generator and escape, so Mal and Han are thrust into a space race that involves not just sailing through the black and/or navigating asteroid fields, but negotiating the criminal underworld and shooting anyone who gets in the way. Much like the characters they're representing, our advocates talk fast and bullshit faster, squeezing in as many lies per second as possible while desperately attempting to avoid the consequences of their actions in a contest that can be most accurately described as "fucking ridiculous." Between Colin's lecture on pitch, yaw, and roll, Miles' canon-maligning opening song, Kit's betrayal of R2-D2, Dan's obsession with Steve Miller, and returning special guest Brad Bultman's treatise on the concept of coolness...well, seems we got here just in the nick of time. What's that make us? Big damn nerds, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry about the mess.
Where do bad folks go when they die? Well, if they're the most fiendish and depraved villains of the inaptly-named Final Fantasy franchise, it seems that they are consigned to an eternity of punishment with the confines of the dying arcade game system! Kefka, the other clown-faced psychopath, and Sephiroth, one-winged king of the unadvisable Google image search, come to blows amongst the smoking ruins of Mystara, the original Dungeons and Dragons game world, to see who can rule over, or simply murder, it's helpless inhabitants. Can Dan and Colin successfully demonstrate the principle of More Crazy = More Win? Will Liz and Kit's hair-and-perfume-based arguments prevail? Is Miles even listening to any of this? And...wait, how the hell did you get in here, sports?
The claws come out in this battle of black-clad cat burglars, as a swag soiree thrown by the Maharaja turns into the scene of a feline-themed crime! Upon their discovery that the fabled Pink Panther Diamond is hidden away somewhere in the palace, party-goers Selina Kyle and Felicia Hardy slip away from the crowd and into costumes that send Kit to her bunk. It's now a race to the prize between Catwoman (so good at theft, she stole Batman's heart) and the Black Cat (whose superpowers allow her to do everything except get lucky with Spider-Man). Which master criminal will beat the other through the network of security systems and armed guards and be the first to lay hands on the shiny? Can the advocates survive Liz Logan's latest accent/fit of method acting, her unending repetition of the word "space," and most importantly, the beautiful disaster that is this week's Lightning Round? They will have to be either insanely competent or superhumanly fortunate...as will you, dear listener!
Showdown in Jurassic Park! The heroes finally come to blows with the Phyrexians, but quickly find that the invaders have a surprise waiting for them. Thrill as Dante finds yet more vehicles to turn into flaming missiles! Gasp as Mordin's continued attempts at stealth are foiled by his teammates! Stare in awe as Archer and Stitch reach a potentially deadly impasse! And steel yourself for the truth about Doc Brown!