ONLINE -- REPORT
SUBJECT: INSPECTOR GADGET -- RETRIEVED. CONDITION -- SEVERELY DAMAGED. RETRIEVAL DETAILS -- FOUND WASHED UP ON SHORE. PHYSICAL STATUS -- SANDY AND WATERLOGGED. MENTAL STATUS -- TOTAL MEMORY LOSS. CAUSE OF INITIAL DISAPPEARANCE -- CONTACT WITH MONOLITH. CURRENT LOCATION OF MONOLITH -- UNKNOWN. GADGET RECORDING EQUIPMENT -- OPERATIONAL. RECORDED DATA FROM MONOLITH ENCOUNTER -- UNDAMAGED.
INTERNATIONAL COALITION FORMED FOR DATA RETRIEVAL. WARNING: FOUR HIGH-LEVEL HACKERS KNOWN TO BE AWARE OF MONOLITH ENCOUNTER, WILL LIKELY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS DATA THEMSELVES. RETRIEVING FILES.
SUBJECT: RADICAL EDWARD. CHILD HACKER FROM YEAR 2071. LAST KNOWN WHEREABOUTS -- BEBOP, CONVERTED INTERPLANETARY FISHING VESSEL. UNKNOWN COWBOY ASSOCIATIONS. FREQUENTLY SEEN WALKING ON HANDS AND TYPING WITH TOES.
SUBJECT: ELLIOT ALDERSON, CYBERSECURITY ENGINEER -- E-CORP. INTROVERT, SHUT-IN, PARANOID. HACKER VIGILANTE. KNOWN ASSOCIATE -- "MR. ROBOT" -- IDENTITY UNKNOWN. RECENTLY JAILED FOR CRIMINAL ACTIVITY, SOMEHOW HACKS EVERYTHING ANYWAY.
SUBJECT: NOMI MARKS. ONE OF EIGHT SO-CALLED SENSATES, ABBREVIATED AS "SENSE8." TRANSGENDER HACKTIVIST/VIDEO BLOGGER. MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE ONCE HACKED THE PENTAGON. NOTABLE FOR EXCELLENT CHOICE IN GIRLFRIENDS.
SUBJECT: DAISY "SKYE" JOHNSON. AGENT OF S.H.I.E.L.D. -- ACRONYM UNKNOWN, CONSTANTLY CHANGING. FORMER MEMBER OF HACKER ORGANIZATION "THE RISING TIDE." SPECIES -- INHUMAN. SUPERHERO ALIAS -- QUAKE. CHILDHOOD ALIAS -- MARY SUE. NO, REALLY.
INTERROGATIVE -- WHICH EXPERT HACKER POSSESSES SKILL NECESSARY TO BREACH COALITION SYSTEMS, LOCATE GADGET/MONOLITH ENCOUNTER DATA, ESCAPE WITH PRICELESS INFORMATION?
ANSWER -- UNKNOWN
SOLUTION -- RESOLVE CONFLICT VIA SMASH FICTION MATCH
ACCESS PROGRAM: HOUR OF BULLSHIT
Have your deep philosophical statements ready and get ready to fly, kids, because swords and stage wires are about to cross in deadly but also awesome fashion! Morpheus, one of the major leaders in Zion's war against the conquering machines, has traveled deep into the Matrix in search of a new weapon -- the legendary Green Destiny. He has traveled so far, in fact, that he somehow finds himself in China during the Qing Dynasty, and standing between Morpheus and the Green Destiny is its former wielder, the legendary Li Mu Bai, a man who fights like some bizarre combination of a crouching tiger and a hidden dragon. Neither wire-fu warrior wants this fight, but Morpheus needs the Green Destiny and Li Mu Bai has no intention of letting him take it. As a great master once said, some motherf*ckers are always trying to ice skate uphill.
Colin Mulkerin returns to Smash Fiction to give us his tips for a perfect Agent Smith impression, along with his signature brand of breathless argument. Meanwhile, everyone else forgets they're on an audio-only program and starts describing their impractical sunglasses or their sick martial arts poses while the judge swings on wires in the rafters.
In Gotham City, evil has always worn many faces. But even Gotham has never faced a villain to which that description applies so literally. The shape-changing mutant known as Mystique is in town, and she's doing what she does best -- killing people to achieve her crazed, often far-fetched goals. Unfortunately for the woman with the most metal real name in comics (with apologies to Vandal Savage), her fun and games have drawn the notice of one of Gotham's many defenders -- in this case, former police officer Renee Montoya, also known as The Question. After all, if you're trying to catch a criminal who can put on any face she wants, who better than an ex-cop with no face at all?
Will Mystique toss Question aside like a baby being thrown into a ravine, or will Renee Montoya connect the dots, solve the conspiracy and bring Raven Darkholme to swift, faceless justice? Madeline Thomas and Anton Balane return to Smash Fiction to help us answer these questions, along with many others, such as: Did Mystique really turn into Rogue and try to seduce Gambit one time? Does Question rely too much on her Bat-family connections? What would happen if Mystique was disguised as Question and tried to take Question's mask off her own face? And...wait a minute, how many Smash Fiction hosts are actually in this episode, anyway?
When peace in a strange version of the historic Middle East that somehow includes aliens and magic apples is threatened by a beautiful bisexual nobleman with a taste for wine, spicy food, and vengeance, the question must be answered: Will Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad's strict adherence to the assassin's creed and superb skills in that profession be enough to silence the Red Viper of Dorne? Or will Oberyn Martell upend the game of thrones and remain unbowed, unbent, and unbroken? The Smash Fiction team is here to delve into the matter, as well as other concerns, such as whether or not there has ever been a good movie based on a video game and why Liz Logan is hearing descriptions of penises in every sentence. Also, eagles!
The Smash Fiction hosts are (almost) all together in the same room to ring in the new year with a new episode of Extraordinary League! The League's latest adventure sees them join forces with the regal reptilian shapeshifter Flemeth and her army of Westerosi wildlings to take on the undead forces of the white walkers... and to discover the strange, compelling mystery that lies beyond their host. And yes, in an episode featuring zombie giants, dragon duels, and necrotic energy, our heroes still manage to make pretty much everything about music. Mordin composes a plea to end Dante's continued nakedness, Stitch shreds Dragonforce on dragonback, everyone gets the Skyrim theme song stuck in their head, and the seductive call of ultimate evil doesn't actually sound like Kelly Clarkson. Furthermore, Colin invents a new drinking game, Nico Minoru spends all her karma, and an old friend returns!