"Doctor?" we can hear you ask. "Doctor who?" Which you're asking either because you're an insufferable nerd (like the rest of us), or because you legitimately don't know. In which case, it is incumbent upon us to inform you that the Doctor is an alien Time Lord who flies haphazardly through time and space in a magic phone booth called the TARDIS, solving problems and saving people. And this week, we put those skills to the ultimate test, as the Doctor (the tenth Doctor, specifically -- ask an insufferable Who nerd about his various incarnations sometime, they will have OPINIONS) must solve the ultimate problem: the adaptable, unstoppable cyborg hive mind known throughout the Star Trek universe as the Borg. Can the Doctor save a helpless colony of humans from assimilation at the hands of a bigger, badder, sexier version of the Daleks and the Cybermen? Or will he once again have cause for terrible, eternal regret?
To find out, the Smash Fiction collective has assimilated the biological and technological distinctiveness of game designer Jeff Stormer, of the Party of One, All My Fantasy Children, and Talking Nog podcasts (in our defense, he totally lowered his shields and surrendered his ships). Also, Miles repeatedly insults Montana in a bad British accent, MeganBob has many, many feelings about Star Trek characters, and the Lightning Round gets even weirder than usual, which, yes, that is apparently possible.
We are Smash Fiction. You will listen to this episode. Resistance is futile.
For those of you who understand the title, yes, you read that correctly. For those who don't...well, strap in, folks, because this week, we're putting on our spandex, lacing up our boots, and oiling the living shit out of our upper bodies before heading straight through that curtain and out into the spotlight. Just in time for Wrestlemania 35, it's a very special pro wrestling episode of Surprise Party!
To be fair, it's two weeks after Wrestlemania 35, but honestly, that show was so long it might still be going. Fortunately, this episode is also ridiculously lengthy! But why? Could it be each host's need to craft elaborate entrances for their characters? Could it be Dan's and MeganBob's valiant struggle to understand what in the blue hell is going on here? Or could it possibly be the fact that we're joined this week by Lucas Brown of The Math of You Podcast, who could literally talk about wrestling forever if we let him?
Whatever the answer, know that this Andre the Giant-Sized episode contains magical puppetry, sultry Southern accents, improbable victories, heartwarming collectivism, telepathic calls to action, bunnies with swords, and at least one broken barbershop window. It's a whole lot of fun. Really.
Also, we're extremely sorry. Blame Miles.
Let's face it -- this one doesn't require much explanation. This one is about as obvious as making a metric crapton of money adapting illustrated children's fantasy stories into major studio franchise tentpoles. And while you can rest assured in the knowledge that Judge Claire Mulkerin will spend the better part of ten minutes setting up the admittedly convoluted but undeniably cohesive narrative in which this week's battle takes place, you already know the real reasons.
Marvel vs. DC. The superhero known as Captain Marvel vs. the superhero who used to be known as Captain Marvel. The boss of space vs. Magic Superman. Over a billion at the box office vs. unusually good reviews for a DCEU movie. Carol Danvers vs. Billy Batson. Let the unrelenting comic book bullshit commence.
Sarah Langan makes her Smash Fiction debut and immediately proves that she belongs right here with all the other dinguses, while Miles, Bob, and Dan basically just grunt and make frustrated noises at one another. Will one of the many, many times somebody says "Shazam" manage to transform this comic book clusterfuck into a decent episode? Or will our audience drown alongside us in an endless sea of semantics, speculation, specific issue numbers, spelling corrections, and salty pickles?
Our heroes have escaped Phyrexia, but not without some considerable loss. Before they can turn their attention to their next mission, they need to address some loose ends, reflect on what's happened, and ready themselves for what's to come.
Dante is way out of his comfort zone; Stitch goes looney; Mordin completes a very important project; and Luna makes amends.
Additional music this episode is "Run Amok" and "Le Grand Chase" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com). Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
Hey listeners! It looks like some of you are taking our ideas and running with them, because we came across this strange little gem buried deep in the dark web! Four friends sit down together to try and craft a movie plot using elements from other stories, and it turns out... um... well, it turns out. So join Rebecca, Neil, Michael, and Werner on a journey into a magical land of talking animals, undead horrors, and an unusually high number of car chases. Happy April first!