They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. If that's true, then you must be dying for more of the multiverse's wildest dating game! Fear not, dear listener, for this week we bring you all the bad accents and worse puns you could hope for! Join us as characters from Assassin's Creed, Mass Effect, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and 1960s sci-fi explore the stormy seas of romance in search of their other half.
Will any of them find love? Are our favorite characters doomed to loneliness? And what amazing twist ending awaits at the episode's--ahem--climax?
Judge Miles invites us all in to take a seat and tune in to the championship of High Fantasy TV Show Character Mania! Open up the chips and pass the guacamole because it's a triple-threat match of sword ladies!
From the land of historical inaccuracy and 90's special effects comes Xena, a mighty warrior princess forged in the heat of battle. Will her courage change the world, as the opening narration of the TV show promised? Hailing from the land of awesome remakes that fill our hearts with joy is She-Ra. Can she focus on the match, or will her mind be on failed friendships? Joining them is Dragon Age badass and recent crossover from High Fantasy Video Game Character Wrestling, Cassandra Pentaghast. Is she truly as metal as her amazing name?
In this match blows will be thrown, swords will be swung, and arguments will be had. Listen as Kit weaponizes the power of eyebrows, MeganBob is proud of teenagers, and Claire makes her strongest case against godhood yet.
Their quests completed, our heroes are keenly interested in getting the hell back to Grayskull... but it turns out that Phyrexia isn't especially interested in allowing them to leave. Can the Extraordinary League stand against the combined forces of the Father of Machines, or has their luck finally run out?
Dante gets crafty; Luna leaves an opponent tongue-tied; Stitch goes for a wild ride; Mordin sciences harder than ever; and Nico moves a mountain.
Additional music this episode from OminousVoice, based on themes written by Shuki Levy and Haim Saban. Check out more of their work at www.youtube.com/user/OminousVoice.
Howdy, stranger. Come on in from the cold, warm yourself up next to the fire. There's bad food, good whiskey, and a decent enough bed, if you're wanting a place to stay. Only take care, now -- you ain't from 'round here, so could be you can't smell it, but there's an ill wind a-blowing 'round these parts tonight, and the scent of gunpowder is in the air.
I'm afraid you don't have the motel to yourself tonight, friend. One of our guests is a gunslinger named Susannah Dean, and when she's not questing for the Dark Tower, she's dipping what's left of her legs into the multidimensional arms trade. That there's a powerful risky business, which is how you get Tulip O'Hare sent after you. She was hell on wheels before she got caught up with some preacher and ended up face-to-face with God Almighty, and now she's coming here to collect the bounty on Susannah's head. Either one of these ladies could kick your ass with both hands tied behind her back, only it wouldn't matter because you'd already have a bullet in your head, anyways. But which one's a-gonna win? That right there is a powerful difficult question. So settle in, let me get you some of that whiskey. It's gonna be an interesting night.
Also, Krista Contino Saumby of the Unspoiled! Podcast Network officially joins the Smash Fiction ka-tet, Matias Tautimez returns (he didn't know how he knew it was time for another Dark Tower match -- he just knew), and Dan and Miles make the Sundowner fight look straightforward and neighborly by comparison.
It's Valentine's Day weekend, so of course we're bringing you the Smash Metafiction episode that lends itself best to this particular holiday...
Oh, but you haven't experienced Surprise Party like this. Instead of retelling just one story, Claire, Liz, and MeganBob will choose characters to descend into five of fiction's greatest romances in an effort to maintain the power of love throughout the multiverse! From Nicolas Cage to William Shakespeare, no love story is beyond the reach of C.U.P.I.D.! And, yes, if you listen to this episode, you will learn what that acronym stands for. You're welcome.
Also, Claire invents infiltration by way of group therapy, Liz swerves Dan so hard you can almost hear his brain faceplanting, and MeganBob's passionate romantic storytelling breaks all of our hearts at the same time.
The ongoing SmashFic series of four-way elemental battles rages on, and this week, it's...THE LIGHTNING MATCH! Cue cheap thunder sound effects, insincere cries of terror, and a giant load of bullshit. But you already knew that.
Thanks to a vague and bizarre second-person narrative, four of the most electric characters in fictional entertainment have been imprisoned in something called the Thunderdome, and must now layeth the smacketh down on each other's candy asses until one of them drops that last elbow and gets free. Will Storm, mutant weather goddess of the X-Men, raise a triumphant eyebrow in victory? Will actual literal lightning god Raiden finally come back to Earthrealm as the winner of this new form of Mortal Kombat? Will Pikachu's millions (and millions) and millions of fans somehow be enough to drive this strange yellow rat thing to the top? Or will he and the other two competitors hit rock bottom, fatally letting their guard down after they smell what Sailor Jupiter is cooking?
Also, Miles really doesn't understand Pokemon types, Claire struggles to explain how anything in Sailor Moon actually works, and as always, comics are fucking stupid.
The number of people who would willingly get into a direct fight with Godzilla can probably be counted on one hand... and they all happen to be in the Extraordinary League. Our heroes have gotten it into their heads that they can free the King of the Monsters from Phyrexian control, but doing so puts their very lives on the line, and some of them may not be coming out of this in one piece.
Nico tries out some new talents; Stitch has to dig deep; Luna plays healer; Dante hits his breaking point; and Mordin may never be the same.
Thanks as always to Family Jules for all of the battle music used in this episode! Check out more of his work at youtube.com/user/FamilyJules7X
When the ongoing Astro-Kerfuffle brings two groups of opposing forces, one from the USS Enterprise, one from their assigned Star Destroyer, each comprising fifty members, into combat on the decks of the NSEA Protector...
You know what, no. The editor is protesting the continued existence of the Astro-Kerfuffle by refusing to write the normal style of description. I tried to kill this stupid thing more than a year ago, but the rest of you just won't let it go. I can't tell you how upset this makes me. Do you see what you've done? You've made me write this in first person! I never write episode descriptions in first person! Now I have to go weirdly meta with the whole thing, and it's all your fault!
When the Patrons of Smash Fiction demand a battle between history's most iconic space dumpuses, the hosts of Smash Fiction oblige. Not only do two of them argue that the red-shirted crew members of Star Trek's original series would survive in this match -- they argue that redshirts being especially death-prone is a full-blown myth, not supported by the text of the show! Not only do the other two argue that the Stormtroopers of Star Wars' original trilogy would survive in this match -- they argue that Stormtroopers being terrible at shooting is a full-blown myth, not supported by the text of the films! And thus did an entire sector of space become choked by the fog of shameless lies.
In this contest between those who can't kill and those who can't help but be killed, which team will have their accuracy praised by Obi-Wan Kenobi? Which team will be solemnly pronounced dead (Jim) by Dr. McCoy? And more importantly, which team will win the Lightning Round, and perhaps, if they're lucky, make the cover of OSQ?
It's time once again for Collaboratory, where four Smash Fic hosts attempt to cobble together a semi-coherent film using random characters and story elements!
This week, Claire is joined by Dan, Kit, and Liz, who have the unenviable task of attempting to craft a tale around a little girl, a cat, a dragon, and a serial killer, all while using elements from stories like Chronicles of Riddick, Jingle All the Way, and 1984. The hosts end up with a pile of really incongruous stuff, and end up making... something that actually kind of works? Listen and judge for yourself!
The Steve-ness is at an all-time high as Captain America (Steve Rogers) goes up against Steven Universe in one of the most wholesome matches Smash Fiction has ever done. These two Steves have each been tasked with training a group of upstart Power Rangers in the ways of teamwork and Steve-itude. In this match where normally you would find shouting, instead there are admiring sighs. Where normally there would be epithets, instead there are declarations of affection. Where normally you would find character with different names, you will find Steves.
Which shield-wielding Steve will save the day? Miles and MeganBob argue that age, experience, and beardliness are Steve Rogers' keys to victory. Claire and special guest Sharon Schneiderman argue that Steven Universe always finds a way. Dan presents the most Steve-ful Lightning Round yet! Listen in and unleash your inner Steve.
Now that they've gathered the information they need, the League sets their sights on their newest target: the Praetor known as Godzilla. Our heroes are hoping to find him, cure him, and turn him, but that is all easier said than done, as they'll have to traverse a vast and nightmarish forest, deal with shadowy monsters, and unlock a strange power that's been hiding in them all along...
Luna makes yet another new friend; Dante leaps to the rescue; Stitch becomes a meteor; Nico shows off her new skills; and Mordin dives into the belly of the beast.
Thanks again to Family Jules for both of the battle songs used in this episode! Check out more of his work at youtube.com/user/FamilyJules7X