Just in time for our action-packed 70th episode, your favorite wrist-bladed, plasmacaster packing, drawn-out laughing manhunter is back! Only this time, there's three of them, they're from a different clan, and they've abducted the Ol' Canucklehead himself, Wolverine! Straight from the 2010 film Predators, the Berserker, the Tracker, and the Falconer have taken the X-Men's resident quick-healing, cigar-chewing Canadian to a planet with the unfortunately on-the-nose name of Pandora, a place where the mountains float, the air is toxic, and giant blue-skinned aliens called Na'vi use their hair to have sex, or something.
But leaving aside James Cameron's bizarre science fiction sensibilities, the Predators have made Logan the prize in the galaxy's deadliest game. In competition with each other, they are now hunting Marvel's most popular mutant, with the winner earning a skull-and-spine trophy laced with adamantium. But when you hunt Weapon X, there's always the risk that you will ultimately become the hunted. Will Wolverine prove that he is, in fact, the best in the world at what he does? Or will the Predators do to him what they did to that guy who got to play Venom that one time?
Brad Bultman returns to put forth one of the most physics-defying (but strangely consistent with the 90s animated X-Men series) theories in Smash Fiction history. Also, Dan goes head-to-head with every accent in the world, Miles explains why director Antal Nimród is a Time Lord, Liz Logan's claws come out with a signature "snikt" in defense of her namesake character, and MeganBob has way too much fun at summer camp.
These are just a few of the audio tracks we've recorded, and as you can hear, it isn't what we thought. There's been no war here, Well, unless you count the huge cross-dimensional space war that has ensnared ships and characters from across the science fiction multiverse. Even so, it's still definitely the Pax. The G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate that some idiot brought onto a Rebel starcruiser. Now, some people on the ship are just sitting around letting themselves die, while others are acting violently aggressive and totally insane.
Fortunately, thanks to the war, this particular starcruiser happens to be carrying two of the multiverse's most capable scientists -- the salarian doctor/spy/geneticist Mordin Solus, and the half-human, half-Vulcan Enterprise science officer, Mr. Spock. Unfortunately, only one of them can solve the Pax problem and save the ship, while the other will be unceremoniously space-fired. Will Mordin use the combined mass of his scientific intelligence to the greatest possible effect? Or will Spock prevail via the knowledge and experience he has gained on his trek through the stars?
Colin Mulkerin guest hosts once again to represent his beloved Extraordinary League character, though Miles manages to both steal his favorite Mordin quote and put forth an alternative theory as to who, in fact, invented time travel. Also, MeganBob takes a stand for the complexity of sex between alien species, Dan yells a one-syllable name that isn't Doom, and Liz Logan takes her Space Judge character to its furthest extreme.
Spy vs. spy takes on a whole new meaning this week, as the rebooted (but still all kinds of suave) MI6 agent known as 007 and the amnesiac ex-CIA agent Jason Bourne attempt to beat each other to the most valuable prize in the field of government espionage: the information hidden inside the head of Dr. Evil's beloved Mr. Bigglesworth! But first, of course, they will have to escape from one of the supervillain's famously impractical death traps, fight their way through hordes of goons, sneak the baldest of all felines out of the Virtucon building in Seattle, and hijack a vehicle to get them to the airport -- and victory!
Will James Bond, fully powered with the essence of Daniel Craig, overcome his propensity for getting women killed and escape with the vital intelligence needed to finally take down the pernicious paterfamilias and his patented pinky gesture? Or will Bourne, despite the loss of his identity, prove his spying supremacy and deliver the final ultimatum?
Colin Mulkerin returns, this time as our first-ever guest judge, to deliver what might be the funniest (and longest) intro scenario in podcasting history. Also, Miles shockingly brings up professional wrestling (but pays dearly for it in the end), MeganBob postulates a magical golden dick, Dan takes the Casanova Fallacy to a whole new level, and Liz Logan is just so damn happy that we're doing this match.
Still bearing the scars of their adventures in Westeros, the League gets some well-deserved R&R in the halls of Castle Greyskull. However, they are soon sent on their next mission into a world unlike any they've been to so far... and they learn of the unusual task before them in claiming the next gem. Did somebody say... tournament?
Meanwhile, Dante does some interior decorating; Nico does some light (or dark) reading; Stitch finds a new outfit; Archer finds religion; Mordin continues not making friends; and Luna blames everything on ghosts.
In this bonus episode of Extraordinary League, we find ourselves in Phyrexia, where a young woman has been taken by the alien invaders. Should she survive, her magical powers would prove invaluable to the League's efforts to save the multiverse... but she'll have to escape from the universe's least-cuddly surgeon and find a way off this world first. Starring Kit as Toothless (How to Train Your Dragon), and introducing Meganbob as the League's soon-to-be-newest member!
When Sunnydale's resident black magic hacker and Hogwarts' most accomplished arcane student both find themselves needing to track down the same spell, an eldritch confrontation between the two most fanfic'd witches of all time becomes inevitable! Forced to lead the Scooby Gang in their fight against the First Evil now that the Slayer, Buffy Summers, has mysteriously vanished (hopefully not with the intention of joining a "league," or some such), Willow Rosenberg finds an incantation that will seal the First Evil away forever. The only problem is, it's located in the long-lost (and apparently not actually destroyed) Library of Alexandria, and Willow will need all her powers of research, not to mention witchcraft, in order to acquire it.
Actually, that's not her only problem. Her other problem is that across the Atlantic, Hermione Granger got tired of camping in the rain and waiting for Harry Potter, also known as The Boy Who Sulked, to come up with a plan to defeat Lord Voldemort. After managing to infiltrate the Hogwarts library, Hermione discovered the same spell and its location, and is fast at work using her magical abilities to go after it herself.
When the two witches meet in the whispering halls of history's greatest library, who will make it out with the spell they need to vanquish their respective enemies? Which team of advocates will come out on top in the soon-to-be-legendary "Dark Willow Argument"? Who will take this week's unorthodox Lightning Round and somehow manage to make it sexy? (hint: not who you think) And what stygian, tenebrous horrors will we unleash on the world by bringing in Kris and Katrina of the Gameable Podcast for a non-Disney related episode?
Ever wonder what "happily ever after" really means? Well, for two of Disney's most beloved animated couples, it means marriage, honeymoon...and competition in the Newlywed Game! Provincial French bookworm Belle and her anthropomorphic-castle-born true love, the Beast (not Prince Adam, he's just a disappointment) take on street-rat-made-good Aladdin and his stifling-palace-born princess Jasmine in a contest that will test not only their passion, commitment, and knowledge of favorite foods and eye color, but also their skills at rural love nest creation, building IKEA furniture, and creeping up behind their partners and yelling "Boo!" Will Belle and the Beast prove why their tale deserves to be as old as time, or will Aladdin and Jasmine show us a whole new world of marital compatibility?
Featuring a face off between two real life couples (Dan and Kit vs. Miles and returning guest host Sharon Holden) as well as two not quite original musical numbers, a new theory about the Genie's penchant for parades, far too much talk about Furries, and an explanation of why a certain rural town is an asshat. Happy late Valentine's Day!
For decades, its legend has endured, striking fear into the hearts of Dungeons and Dragons players everywhere. The mere mention of its name has been known to drive groups of lifelong companions, once closer than siblings, to infighting, betrayal, and chaos. In the darkest corners of the experienced role-player's dice-fueled fever dreams, its presence lingers like a shroud -- the great humbler of the power gamer. For whenever a D&D party grows too boastful, too assured of their own invincibility, too confident of final victory over an entire game world or campaign setting, they will inevitably find themselves standing at the gates of the deadliest dungeon ever conceived: the Tomb of Horrors!
Now, those gates open once more. Two groups of brave adventurers have arrived, both representing the respected House of Bioware, each looking to test their mettle against the most notorious suicide mission in the history of high fantasy:
From the the Sword Coast region of the Forgotten Realms, aka A World Much Like This One But A World That Is Very Different, comes the Party of Baldur's Gate -- Viconia, the haughty Drow cleric; Imoen, the spell-slinging thief from Candlekeep; Edwin, the extremely evil but also exceptionally useful conjurer; and Minsc, the berserk ranger who doesn't have the stats to be a ranger, but DOES have a miniature giant space hamster named Boo, which counts for a lot.
And from the maybe-not-terribly-distant-but-definitely-not-on-any-maps land of Thedas, it's the Party of Dragon Age -- Anders, the church-bombing fanatic possessed by the concept of justice; Varric, the crossbow-wielding dwarf with nimble fingers and a lying tongue; Morrigan, shapeshifting witch of the Korcari Wilds; and Iron Bull, the one-eyed Qunari berserker spy.
Which party will navigate the Tomb's brutal series of traps, see through its illusions, defeat its guardians, and confront the demi-lich Acererak to claim his glittering treasure? Will Liz even be able to say "Acererak?" Will Miles ever be able to stop referencing experience tables, ability scores, and spell levels? And what happens when MeganBob is suddenly given full license to ship all eight of these characters?
The League's long adventure in Westeros comes to a thrilling close as Stitch, Mordin Solus, Dante Sparda, and Nico Minoru do battle with a twisted flying monstrosity and finally discover the true source of the undead scourge plaguing the lands beyond the Wall. What happens next will alter the shape of their tale forevermore, and not everyone is going to make it back to Castle Grayskull in one piece.
Plus, Nico has fun with acupuncture, Stitch practices his knots, Mordin knows all the angles, and Dante and Geralt give new meaning to the term "fire in the hole." Also featuring the GM's funniest voice impersonation yet, another Colin Mulkerin musical number, and a truly phenomenal evil laugh!
ONLINE -- REPORT
SUBJECT: INSPECTOR GADGET -- RETRIEVED. CONDITION -- SEVERELY DAMAGED. RETRIEVAL DETAILS -- FOUND WASHED UP ON SHORE. PHYSICAL STATUS -- SANDY AND WATERLOGGED. MENTAL STATUS -- TOTAL MEMORY LOSS. CAUSE OF INITIAL DISAPPEARANCE -- CONTACT WITH MONOLITH. CURRENT LOCATION OF MONOLITH -- UNKNOWN. GADGET RECORDING EQUIPMENT -- OPERATIONAL. RECORDED DATA FROM MONOLITH ENCOUNTER -- UNDAMAGED.
INTERNATIONAL COALITION FORMED FOR DATA RETRIEVAL. WARNING: FOUR HIGH-LEVEL HACKERS KNOWN TO BE AWARE OF MONOLITH ENCOUNTER, WILL LIKELY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS DATA THEMSELVES. RETRIEVING FILES.
SUBJECT: RADICAL EDWARD. CHILD HACKER FROM YEAR 2071. LAST KNOWN WHEREABOUTS -- BEBOP, CONVERTED INTERPLANETARY FISHING VESSEL. UNKNOWN COWBOY ASSOCIATIONS. FREQUENTLY SEEN WALKING ON HANDS AND TYPING WITH TOES.
SUBJECT: ELLIOT ALDERSON, CYBERSECURITY ENGINEER -- E-CORP. INTROVERT, SHUT-IN, PARANOID. HACKER VIGILANTE. KNOWN ASSOCIATE -- "MR. ROBOT" -- IDENTITY UNKNOWN. RECENTLY JAILED FOR CRIMINAL ACTIVITY, SOMEHOW HACKS EVERYTHING ANYWAY.
SUBJECT: NOMI MARKS. ONE OF EIGHT SO-CALLED SENSATES, ABBREVIATED AS "SENSE8." TRANSGENDER HACKTIVIST/VIDEO BLOGGER. MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE ONCE HACKED THE PENTAGON. NOTABLE FOR EXCELLENT CHOICE IN GIRLFRIENDS.
SUBJECT: DAISY "SKYE" JOHNSON. AGENT OF S.H.I.E.L.D. -- ACRONYM UNKNOWN, CONSTANTLY CHANGING. FORMER MEMBER OF HACKER ORGANIZATION "THE RISING TIDE." SPECIES -- INHUMAN. SUPERHERO ALIAS -- QUAKE. CHILDHOOD ALIAS -- MARY SUE. NO, REALLY.
INTERROGATIVE -- WHICH EXPERT HACKER POSSESSES SKILL NECESSARY TO BREACH COALITION SYSTEMS, LOCATE GADGET/MONOLITH ENCOUNTER DATA, ESCAPE WITH PRICELESS INFORMATION?
ANSWER -- UNKNOWN
SOLUTION -- RESOLVE CONFLICT VIA SMASH FICTION MATCH
ACCESS PROGRAM: HOUR OF BULLSHIT
Have your deep philosophical statements ready and get ready to fly, kids, because swords and stage wires are about to cross in deadly but also awesome fashion! Morpheus, one of the major leaders in Zion's war against the conquering machines, has traveled deep into the Matrix in search of a new weapon -- the legendary Green Destiny. He has traveled so far, in fact, that he somehow finds himself in China during the Qing Dynasty, and standing between Morpheus and the Green Destiny is its former wielder, the legendary Li Mu Bai, a man who fights like some bizarre combination of a crouching tiger and a hidden dragon. Neither wire-fu warrior wants this fight, but Morpheus needs the Green Destiny and Li Mu Bai has no intention of letting him take it. As a great master once said, some motherf*ckers are always trying to ice skate uphill.
Colin Mulkerin returns to Smash Fiction to give us his tips for a perfect Agent Smith impression, along with his signature brand of breathless argument. Meanwhile, everyone else forgets they're on an audio-only program and starts describing their impractical sunglasses or their sick martial arts poses while the judge swings on wires in the rafters.
In Gotham City, evil has always worn many faces. But even Gotham has never faced a villain to which that description applies so literally. The shape-changing mutant known as Mystique is in town, and she's doing what she does best -- killing people to achieve her crazed, often far-fetched goals. Unfortunately for the woman with the most metal real name in comics (with apologies to Vandal Savage), her fun and games have drawn the notice of one of Gotham's many defenders -- in this case, former police officer Renee Montoya, also known as The Question. After all, if you're trying to catch a criminal who can put on any face she wants, who better than an ex-cop with no face at all?
Will Mystique toss Question aside like a baby being thrown into a ravine, or will Renee Montoya connect the dots, solve the conspiracy and bring Raven Darkholme to swift, faceless justice? Madeline Thomas and Anton Balane return to Smash Fiction to help us answer these questions, along with many others, such as: Did Mystique really turn into Rogue and try to seduce Gambit one time? Does Question rely too much on her Bat-family connections? What would happen if Mystique was disguised as Question and tried to take Question's mask off her own face? And...wait a minute, how many Smash Fiction hosts are actually in this episode, anyway?
When peace in a strange version of the historic Middle East that somehow includes aliens and magic apples is threatened by a beautiful bisexual nobleman with a taste for wine, spicy food, and vengeance, the question must be answered: Will Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad's strict adherence to the assassin's creed and superb skills in that profession be enough to silence the Red Viper of Dorne? Or will Oberyn Martell upend the game of thrones and remain unbowed, unbent, and unbroken? The Smash Fiction team is here to delve into the matter, as well as other concerns, such as whether or not there has ever been a good movie based on a video game and why Liz Logan is hearing descriptions of penises in every sentence. Also, eagles!
The Smash Fiction hosts are (almost) all together in the same room to ring in the new year with a new episode of Extraordinary League! The League's latest adventure sees them join forces with the regal reptilian shapeshifter Flemeth and her army of Westerosi wildlings to take on the undead forces of the white walkers... and to discover the strange, compelling mystery that lies beyond their host. And yes, in an episode featuring zombie giants, dragon duels, and necrotic energy, our heroes still manage to make pretty much everything about music. Mordin composes a plea to end Dante's continued nakedness, Stitch shreds Dragonforce on dragonback, everyone gets the Skyrim theme song stuck in their head, and the seductive call of ultimate evil doesn't actually sound like Kelly Clarkson. Furthermore, Colin invents a new drinking game, Nico Minoru spends all her karma, and an old friend returns!
Merry Cagemas, dear listeners, and welcome to Cage Match 2: The Cagening! Yes, it's another four-way battle of Nicolas Cage characters to celebrate this undeniably remarkable, yet thoroughly insane, holiday season. Four Cages! One cage! At stake: the prestigious, recently-reclaimed-from-the-IRS championship belt proclaiming its wearer the undisputed World Heavyweight Cage!
Only this time, the Cage Match will be contested not by mere mortals, but by Cages who are all something more -- or something less -- than human. Johnny Blaze, aka Ghost Rider, leaves tracks of hellfire down the entrance ramp as he rides toward the ring. Balthazar Blake, famed sorcerer and trainer of sorcerer's apprentices, arrives in a flash of magic and intimacy issues. John Milton drives angry into the arena despite his ever-present sunglasses, and fully intends to drive angry out of it again with a victory. And Peter Loew, freshly empowered by the vampire's kiss -- at least in his own mind, which he's actually just out of -- dons his plastic gift shop fangs and his bizarre demeanor in preparation for battle.
Which Cage will prove that they are the most Cage by escaping the cage before any other Cage? Will Dan successfully use Miles' own massive ego and love of seeing his name in print against him? (Editor's note: http://www.thesportster.com/wrestling/the-8-best-and-7-worst-entrance-outfits-in-wrestling-histroy/)Can MeganBob prove that successfully training Jay Baruchel is the greatest achievement in the wizarding world? Is Kit actually here, or has her consciousness been entirely subsumed in an attempt at creating an argument for Peter Loew? The answers to all these questions and more, tonight on Cagemas 2: The Cagening!
It is a period of civil war. Well, civil might not be the right word, considering that the various parties aren't exactly localized and were pretty much the opposite of united, but the other part is the same. Portals have opened, shots have been fired, and war has broken out amidst the various settings of the science fiction multiverse! The chaos of this reality-smashing conflict (which is totally not a convenient plot device for setting up future Smash Fiction matches, how dare you) plays host to several unlikely partnerships, and even more unlikely skirmishes -- the most recent of which is a good old-fashioned space dogfight between the heroes of Hoth, the Rebel Alliance's own Rogue Squadron, and the anthropomorphic Nintendo mercenaries known as Team Star Fox!
As the two teams battle for control of a mysterious space station that could hold the key to final victory for their respective sides, their mettle (and their spaceships' metal) will be thoroughly tested. Rogue Squadron has the terrifyingly accurate Wes Janson, the unflinchingly competent Tycho Celchu, the undeniably awesome Wedge Antilles, and of course, the occasionally whiny but all kinds of powerful-in-the-Force space wizard Luke Skywalker. Team Star Fox features the daring canine commander Fox McCloud (who is NOT throwing away his shot), the sharpshooting curmudgeonly bird of hotly-debated species Falco Lombardi, the aging but still prone to shout (inaccurately) about barrel rolls Peppy Hare, and of course, Slippy Toad, whose nightmarish amphibian eyes have seen far, far too much.
Which team has the piloting skills, firepower, and sheer moxie necessary to defeat their opponents and claim their goal? Rafael Medina returns to Smash Fiction to help answer that question, despite his own divided loyalties; Kit may or may not have gotten us sued by Lucasfilm; Dan is all about those Star Wars numbers and advanced statistics; and MeganBob uses the Lightning Round to do what she does best.
He may have spun off into his own solo series, but Colin "Stormtongue" Mulkerin is always up for a good old nostalgic crossover! Bringing with him the intrepid Brad Bultman, Colin returns to Smash Fiction to answer another of the most important questions: When Bob, Helen, Dash, and Violet Parr, collectively known as the Incredibles (along with their friend, Frozone), find themselves in the city of San Fransokyo during a massive prison break, what will happen when they get into the inevitable "each team thinks the other team are supervillains" fight with Hiro Hamada, Baymax, Honey Lemon, GoGo, Wasabi, and Fred -- Big Hero 6?
Will technological genius prevail over the inherent qualities of "being super?" Does the power of family and fashionable costuming trump the power of friendship and SCIENCE? Is The Incredibles actually promoting the elitist idea that human worth is conveyed by birthright, as opposed to Big Hero 6's apparent dedication to the concept of people creating their own worth through hard work and ingenuity? Actually, that last question isn't answered here, although there is a critical discussion of both films from a progressive gender studies perspective... and the question of what makes someone "worthy" does come up, though maybe not in the way you think...
...but hey, Kit defends stoners (kind of), Dan makes it incredibly clear that he has read way, way too many comic books, and MeganBob tells us how she really feels about children. Justice is served.
The quest for the Stone of Grace has led the League from one side of Westeros to another, and has finally led them into the frozen wasteland north of the Wall. There, numerous dangers await, including zombies, White Walkers, and the philosophical conflict between science and magic. OH, HORRORS! Good thing Stitch's snow shark impression is the actual scariest thing in this forest. The Others are gonna need a bigger boat.
Also, Nico takes a page out of a famous Marvel playbook, Dante plans his wedding, Geralt attempts to stab a dead person in a very uncomfortable place (not the back of a Volkswagon) Mordin gets distracted by the random treasure table, and Daenerys Targaryen is more than what she seems.
When you need someone rescued from a high-tech, heavily-guarded compound, you send in James Bond, MI6 Agent 007. But what if the person who needs to be rescued is Bond himself? When England's top secret agent finds himself kept in a martini-induced coma, MI6 has no one they can reliably send in to extract him... so four of Bond's old flings decide to take matters into their own hands.
Can Vesper Lynd (Casino Royale) successfully leverage her intelligence and fashion sense while managing to avoid any underwater elevators? Can Wai Lin (Tomorrow Never Dies) use her martial arts and quick thinking even if she's handcuffed to an unconscious Bond? Can Xenia Onatopp (Goldeneye) use her massive leg strength to squeeze victory from this one? Will Anya Amasova (The Spy Who Loved Me) prove true the old adage, "In Soviet Russia, Bond girl rescue YOU?" And when all is said and done, will Bond even survive the experience?
And for those of you disappointed in the lack of a supernatural element to this week's match, stay tuned for some magic in the Lightning Round! ...although maybe not the type of magic you're expecting.
In Smash Fiction's first team-up match, Shao Khan and the realm of Outworld decide to invade Earth... which isn't all that out of character, except that this particular version of Earth doesn't recognize the rules of Mortal Kombat. Instead, it chooses its champions via the sacred art of STREET FIGHTING! Which is totally different, except for the fighting part. And the tournament structure. And, you know, the fireballs. There are always fireballs.
As these two one-on-one martial arts meritocracies collide, the first battle begins. INTERPOL agent and leg day at the gym enthusiast Chun-Li sets out to discover more information about her world's mysterious attackers, and enlists the aid of Ryu, professional Super Saiyan with the personality of sliced bread. And of course, it isn't long before the street fighters are accosted by two of the deadliest bloodletters and headsplitters to ever conceal horrific facial features behind their facemasks: Mileena, contender to Outworld's throne and five-time winner of its Best Smile Award, and Scorpion, hellfire connoisseur and the ultimate undead family man. With no story mode option in sight, there's only one thing for these four to do: Prepare for the start of Round 1.
Will Chun-Li's bizarrely-named, physics-defying kicks and Ryu's probably-not-coincidental similarities to Liu Kang be enough to overcome the constant teleportation and increasingly improbable fatality moves of Scorpion and Mileena? Will Miles's slight cold prevent him from complaining about video game -- even the ones he actually likes? (Spoiler alert: No. No, it will not.) And what manner of perverse, spontaneous bullshit will manifest when the Lightning Round goes where only one other fighting game franchise has gone before?
By the Perplexing Patronuses of Pottermore! There's evil afoot! Well...not afoot, exactly. More like a-slither. Lord Voldemort, aka He Who Must Not Be Named, the most powerful dark wizard of all time, has returned to life and taken over nearly the entire wizarding world. Albus Dumbledore has vanished, last seen muttering something about a Tome of Eternal Darkness. Snape is running Hogwarts, the Ministry of Magic has been completely infiltrated, and Harry Potter, the so-called Chosen One, has vanished without a trace. The bad guys are winning and there's no help in sight...
...no help, that is, until Neville Longbottom reaches desperately into the Sorting Hat and somehow manages to pull out a full-fledged Sorcerer Supreme. Dr. Stephen Strange has arrived in England, and after hearing about the wizards' plight, vows to bring Voldemort down. With his magical abilities and various artifacts of Agamotto, how hard could killing one snake-obsessed psychopath possibly be?
But Strange soon learns that Voldemort will not be easily undone. To defeat him, the good doctor must find the Dark Lord's six Horcruxes and destroy them, all while dodging Death Eaters and navigating a Voldemort-controlled wizard establishment. Can Strange blast and astral-project his way to victory and prove that sometimes love isn't all you need? Or will Voldemort's cursed rings, sinister potions, and spamming of the Killing Curse prove too much for Marvel's mightiest magician?
Also in this episode: The Lightning Round backfires on Judge Liz Logan, and we spend way too much time talking about Halloween costumes and golf.
The end of the League's quest in Westeros is in sight... when they find a capital-W Wall in front of them. Do they deal with the taciturn black-clad Night's Watch and their newly-elected Lord Commander, the suspicious royal guards led by a fiery woman in red, or take their chances with the wildlings and their monstrous pets? All the while, Nico is her own worst enemy; Mordin finally loses patience with his disguise; Dante has a religious awakening (but probably not the one you're expecting), and Stitch decides to go economy size.
It's a beautiful day on the campus of Monsters University...a beautiful day for the Scare Games, that is! As per usual, teams of monsters will compete in five grueling events -- Toxicity Challenge, Avoid the Parent, Don't Scare the Teen, Hide and Sneak, and Simulated Scare -- to see who is truly the most frightening monster in the frat house.
But this year, there's some new blood entering the games. Four new fraternities have been recognized by Dean Hardscrabble, each led by an older, experience student, each determined to prove that they are still the masters of inducing fear. One who lays claim to this title is the Dream Master himself, the leader of Slasha Slayta Die, the face-melted fish knife-fingered Freddy Krueger. Refusing to follow the traditional Greek alphabet format, Nemesis and the Nemenasties bring their rocket launchers, miniguns, and zombie mutations to the field. From Hex Omicron Hex Omicron Hex Omicron come the vassals of the one and only Pumpkin King, Jack Skellington. And Kappa Amenophus arrives chanting the name of their personal god, the ancient mummy known as Imhotep. Which fictional monster will lead their followers to victory in the Scare Games?
Featuring the return of Colin after only one episode (albeit as a guest host, officially), MeganBob's first judgment, Dan's continued mummy advocacy (and other important causes), Liz shouting a single word over and over again, Miles' increasingly rapid hair loss due to frustrating audio problems (not pictured), and more excellent music from Kevin MacLeod, "The Show Must Be Go" (www.incompetech.com). Smashtoberfest has come to an end, but Smash Fiction thunders ever onward.
And nothing could be scarier than that.
One kills to ensure that he is still feared. The other stalks those who dare to speak his name. When the kids in north side Chicago stop talking about the hook-handed, bee-infested urban legend known as the Candyman and start spreading stories about the faceless enigma called the Slender Man, both terrifying ethereal killers appear to silence them forever -- or make their flayed corpses into the ultimate reminder. But to get to the helpless teens, Candyman and Slender Man must first go through each other.
Smashtoberfest continues with the full-time Smash Fiction debut of MeganBob, as we determine which restless apparition can find some way to dispose of his murderous counterpart. Kit and Liz do a lot of static noises and screaming, and Miles finds a way to finally get Dan to say "fuck" on the podcast. Special thanks to Ben Chilton for suggesting this matchup.
Trigger warning: This episode contains brief periods of white people rapping.
Smashtoberfest continues with one of the most unique matches ever: a contest of horror movie survival, starring the most famous sitcom characters of the '90s! Yes, the four unforgettably despicable leads of Seinfeld have gotten out of prison and taken a much-needed vacation, spending the winter in a lonely cabin far from civilization. But Jerry Seinfeld, Elaine Benes, Cosmo Kramer, and George Costanza are not the only life forms that have chosen this particular spot. For one thing, Newman has decided to tag along. For another, something else has decided to tag along inside him.
And so, the Seinfeld cast find themselves alone with the most terrifying product of John Carpenter's imagination, the alien shapeshifter known only as the Thing! Will any of them escape? Can Elaine save her friends with her patented "Get out!" shove? Is Kramer secretly a genius? Would George really lick blood off a given surface, thinking it was ketchup? Will Jerry ever figure out what the deal is with these Things, anyway?
Also, Miles knows more about video games than anyone else, Dan's jokes keep getting stepped on, Liz thinks everyone should be on fire, Kit gets really excited about snowboarding, Kevin MacLeod provides more awesome music in the form of "Scheming Weasel" (www.incompetech.com) and Colin makes an important and bittersweet announcement.