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Smash Fiction is a debate-style comedy podcast in which a rotating cast of nerds argue on behalf of their chosen fictional characters. Only one can win!

Apr 12, 2020

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for September 2017. The original description follows:

Oh man, where to start with this bizarre song. As decided by many of you, I was tasked with writing a song about Dante's aversion to clothing. Honestly, I couldn't have been happier, so good job! In League, Dante really likes to tear his clothes off. I don't know how or why I came up with this character convention but it happened for better or worse. It's worked so far in game so it's probably here to stay.

Anyways, for the lyrics, I had to incorporate some fun events where the clothes tearing actually worked (sort of). During the fight with Dracula, Dante tore off his clothes and successfully stole his cape! During the League's stay in Westeros, there was a "romantic" rendezvous between Dante and Mordin, which, you guessed it! Involved Dante striking a bare ass pose.

For the music, I knew I had to do something strange. For the intro, I tried to emulate Sir Mix a Lot's "Baby Got Back" because I figured Dante probably thinks that is how people view him, the egomaniac! For the rest of the song, I tried to emulate Devil May Cry's hard rock soundtracks. I knew it had to be loud and crazy and full of distortion.

Thank you for listening.

-Liz

LYRICS for "A Body of Art...Work"

Oh my God, have you seen Dante?
His abs are like, so defined.
Oh my God, how do you know that?
Oh my God, how do you know that?
Because he never wears a shirt silly!
Because he never wears a shirt silly!

Why would you want to hide it?
Don't you want to find it?
I'm basically beautiful,
And I've got a beard, that's important.

Things, kilts, footie pajamas, red coat, white shirt, black pants, big boots, I hate it all!
That's right, you heard me, I hate it all!
This is getting too long now and I don't know what to say anymore, LET'S GO!

TEAR IT OFF!

I've tried tank tops, I've tried coats and pants and those sweet ass boots.
Try a sock? I think not.
Nothing quite compares to that wind up my derriere!
And it looks really nice, I mean, I've been told that before, I believe it, uh anyways uh, moving on.

No one can resist my super good looking nakedness.
So why wear clothes, when I can strike a bare ass pose?

You cannot stop it, I know you like it, don't be ashamed because I cannot blame you.
I'm going to do my part, because my body is pure art!

TEAR IT OFF!

My power is increased, when my clothing is deceased.
Go ask Dracula.
My shining chest, is just the best.
Go ask Mordana.

I can't really talk well, but I'm really good at tearing shit off.
Clothes just suck a bunch, and I'd rather wear my lunch...ABLES!

Oh my God, Dante.

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