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Smash Fiction is a debate-style comedy podcast in which a rotating cast of nerds argue on behalf of their chosen fictional characters. Only one can win!

Mar 31, 2019

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for March 2019. The original description follows:

So here’s a fun opening story…  The first thing I recorded for this song was the bass line.  I then picked up my sax to play in order to figure out what key I had played the bass line in.  Well, I actually couldn’t figure it out.  No note or scale was matching up with what I had played, it sounded terrible!  Of course, I then realized, I HADN’T TUNED MY BASS.  I turned on the tuner and lo and behold, I was 20 cents flat.  That’s enough to be its own unique note.  I had already written the entire bass line and promptly forgot how to play it.  My fix was to literally tune all my instruments to 20 cents flat!  It somehow worked and my sax was matching up.  Unfortunately, I had picked an extremely difficult key for an Eb instrument (which is what an alto sax is).  It ended up being in the key of B, which has 5 sharps for the sax.  Plus I was adding additional accidentals (other sharps and flats) to give the song a jazzy feel.  Ok, that’s enough music theory.

This was quite a challenging song to write.  I’ve played tons of jazz music in my lifetime but have actually never wrote/recorded a song.  Instruments included are alto sax, guitar, bass, drums, and my lovely voice.  This would essentially be a small combo jazz group.  Some combos have three “horns” (i.e. trumpet, sax, clarinet, etc.) so this is definitely a small one.  Jazz groups always have a bass, usually drums, and then some type of “comping” instrument (i.e. guitar or piano, one or the other, not usually both).  Guitar or piano generally provide chords for the horn to play off of but as you can hear, at some points I just followed the vocal line with the guitar, giving it almost a rock type feel.  Jazz is the progenitor of most modern music so I thought it was fitting.  Here I am talking about music theory again, sorry!

Onto the actual League content of the song, I tried to make this a string of consciousness for Dante remembering the League’s various exploits.  There really is no rhyme or reason to the song and I tried to make it seem like scattered thoughts.  Of course, the song revolves around the events that Dante thought were cool (Corolla frames) or annoying (like Lace being a better distraction than him in the fight against Cthulhu).  As I was listening to episodes, I came across a line that absolutely made me laugh: Luna asking if we were very likely or mostly likely to die.  I had to incorporate it as it could have easily been a Dante type question.  Then, there is the title…  Shout out to my friend Evan Staves for this title immediately popping up in his head and helping me get my groove started.  That made me just have to comment on the fact that yeah, I forget my swords and guns exist.  Ultimately, Dante is happy to be involved with the League and loves the new friends he has made.

-Liz

What’s the Name of That Sword Again?

 

Welcome to the Castle Club
Name’s Dante
Drummer, hit it

Yeah…

I’m gonna tell you about some of my friends
They’re called the League
And it’s gonna be their stories
Actually, it’s mostly gonna be about me

Feels like just yesterday, I joined the League
It’s been a fun time, with no reason or rhyme
Except I kinda lost my arm

This is the only job where I wonder
If I’m very likely or mostly likely to die
Sometimes people ask me to use my sword, but I don’t!

However…

Luckily we’ve beat a bunch of Phyrexia
I don’t really use my swords or my guns much
But I do remember the Corolla
It was a good car…frame

Once, we stopped Dracula
Because I stole his cool ass cape
And everyone else got there too late
They were still clapping at my performance at that play

Dante saves the day!  Yes I did.  Without my swords and guns people
But y’all are pretty cool too, anyways…

Think about all the cool things that we’ve done
Except I got upstaged by a dino driving on the run
At least we beat Cthulhu

Then one time we got famous for playing rock without a clue
And too bad our only reward was a green slime Stitch fu Manchu

So thank you friends for the good and bad
Your double taps and your portal guns, take me to my favorite danger zone

Is he bothering you over there?  No?  Ok great.

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