With an astonishing array of accents, Judge Liz brings us to the latest mishap at Hogwarts. Ron's just trying to get some dragons together for the "Quadwizard Tournament" and it goes pretty badly. Ron? Less than competent? Shocking #Ronshade. To be fair, Ron didn't know that Hogwarts was going to be temporarily housing all of Gringotts' gold. However, Ron probably could have figured out that it's a bad idea to send out an open invitation to dragons to descend on Hogwarts. Dammit, Ron.
Four dragons RSVP, or rather just show up in flaming glory, which is how dragons RSVP to events. Will Smaug be able to charm the competition? Perhaps Bahamut can weaponize his stoic gaze. Maybe Draco's need to get into dragon heaven will inspire him to win. Or, is Trogdor actually possessed of unimaginable powers that will ensure his victory is eternal?
The flames fly in this dragon-y episode as each advocate argues why their lizard boy should get the gold, and along the way make the case that dragons can do yoga, have their own bible, and might have some cultists on their side.
Press play and surrender to the fiery foolishness.
Claire and Dan are joined by special guests Jeff Eckman and Ryan Kasmiskie of the Final Fantasy podcast No One Can Know About This! These guys have clearly been spending a ton of XP on their storytelling skills, because what results is a tale of mystery and intrigue utilizing characters and story elements from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Larry Sanders Show, and King of the Hill. So grab some popcorn as we delve into a story of ancient conspiracies, young love, and mind-controlling cat poop: the stuff blockbusters are made of!
"Pray to the airwaves," the oracle said, insisting that we must not do this match. "Smash Fiction will fall. All of podcasting will fall. Trust not in Patrons. Honor the gods. But not the gods of thinking. Just the gods of yelling."
Well, to quote King Leonidas himself when faced with a similar situation, "an epic sneer that, could it be heard out loud, would definitely sound weirdly Scottish!" In other words, fuck wisdom and fuck the Carneia, we have to decide which idealized fictional version of the historic Spartans would win in an even fight, 300 on 300, at Thermopylae! Because while Leonidas may command a fighting force that includes both Faramir from Lord of the Rings and Magneto, before him stands a company of Daenerys Targaryen's Unsullied, aligned in perfect lockstep and led by Grey Worm himself. In a battle of phalanx formations and fearlessness between the hyper-masculine and the no longer functionally male, only one army can survive, while the other dines in hell (a meal that presumably includes unborn puppies, honeyed dormice, and whatever other awful foods George R. R. Martin feels like spending a full page describing).
To be certain, we are but humble podcast hosts and know little of the ways of war. Which is why we picked out 300 experts in both fictional and non-fictional history to be our personal bodyguards while we *sarcastic cough* just stretch our brains a bit. Unfortunately, most of them died in training and only Race for the Iron Throne's Steven Attewell was able to kill a child in front of its mother, but still, we're pretty sure he's enough. Can he help Miles finally take down both Zack Snyder and Frank Miller? Or will Liz Logan's obsession with abs carry her, once again, to eternal glory?
The end is in sight for our heroes. They've nearly collected everything they need to defeat Phyrexia once and for all--now it's just a matter of preparing for the final leg of their journey. But if you think the League's enemies are just going to sit idly by and let this happen, you're in for a rude surprise...
Stitch tries his hand at some cultural exchange; Dante explores a new vocation; Luna provides; and Mordin buries the hatchet.