...IN this week's episode...it's so simple! Well, the setup is simple enough. A terrorist, a modeling reality show, a disaster in the making, and only two people who can save the day and look great doing it. In this combined test of beauty and secret agent skills, there's no doubt that the legendary Derek Zoolander, three-time winner of the Best Male Model award and innovator of captivating looks like Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre, and of course, Magnum, has the advantage in terms of being really ridiculously good-looking. But even with the help of his partner, Matilda, can the would-be assassin of the Malaysian prime minister match up with the proven investigative abilities of Miss Congeniality herself, FBI agent and all-around asskicker Gracie Hart? And even with the assistance of renowned pageant coach Victor Melling, can Gracie survive the world of appearance-based reality television long enough to get the job done?
Please be advised, this particular installment of Smash Fiction is even more ridiculous than usual. Also, LIZ LOGAN RETURNS!!! (Those two things are only partially related.)
Colin is judging all the way from space this week (presumably because his bosses didn't like him) and his voice transmission got degraded a little from its trip through the wormhole, but all that does is make this sci-fi space bug throwdown sound even more like the horrific, world-ending event that it is. At least, that's what it is for Barsoom, aka Mars, when three hostile hordes of aliens descend upon that poor, doomed planet. Now the only question is, which of the three races will triumph over the others and claim everything there is to claim?
Will it be the xenomorphs, with their facehuggers and their acid blood and their surprisingly metal guitar skills? Or perhaps the tyranids, arrived from the grim darkness of the far future where there is only war (and, we assume, Smash Fiction)? Or will the Zerg Swarm, in all its creepy, mutating glory, prove victorious via the use of starcraft and...spellcasting?
Y'all know what to expect at this point. Kit makes frighteningly realistic animal sounds, Miles goes off on bizarre and pointless tangents, and Dan...well, Dan lists, ladies and gentlemen. Dan lists.
In the first of many matches conceived by one of our supporters on Patreon, Smash Fiction dives into the smoke-filled, neon-lit world of cybernoir! A Cylon has crash-landed in the futuristic city of San Fransokyo, and though it looks human, it seeks only to murder, destroy, and fuck with people's heads using big, scary words. Two detectives specializing in this manner of target, retired blade runner Rick Deckard and Section 9's Major Motoko Kusanagi -- or at least her "ghost", housed in a sort of "shell" -- are called in to track the Cylon down and show it what grim dystopian justice looks like. But of course, the two can't get along and demand to work individually, making it an investigative race to both track their quarry and take it down.
Will Deckard use his old-fashioned clue-seeking skills, weird eyeball tests, and questionable proficiency with steel piping to make Kusanagi want to throw herself in front of a tank? Or will the Major's computer brain, superhuman fighting skills, and deep questions about the nature of reality ensure that Deckard's chances of victory are lost like tears in rain?
Also, Kit asks the tough questions, Dan drops some inhumanity bombs on his unsuspecting co-hosts, Colin pulls out a Wayne Gretsky quote, Miles apparently thinks Blade Runner and Game of Thrones exist in the same universe, and MeganBob invents a butt-related alternative to the Turing test. As for how the episode ends...well, it's left deliberately ambiguous. OR IS IT?
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The Lightning Round has broken free of its usual constraints and found its way over to Extraordinary League! Because apparently we now can't have a plot arc without a musical episode, Team Ohana is in a vicious battle of the bands against rival Team Adventquisitions Zonecorporated! Can the League pull out a musical win against these experienced adventurers? What dastardly tricks do Team Soul Edge have up their sleeve? And what world-shaking mysteries will be uncovered beneath Balboa Memorial Arena?
Also, Stitch dresses to the nines, Mordin gets into a battle of monologues, Dante's star power goes to his head, Miles tries out a new voice, Luna is reunited with an old friend, and Dan tests the waters for his new show, "Dan Mulkerin Explains the Plot of Meatloaf Songs."
Listen to the end for an excerpt from our bonus League episode, now available for our patrons at patreon.com/smashfictionpodcast!
Additional songs in this episode are "Feelin Good" and "Summon the Rawk" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com). Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
It wouldn't be Smash Fiction if our 2nd Anniversary Special wasn't released the day after our anniversary, so here it is! Clearly we're not getting any better, but our listeners inexplicably don't seem to care, and have positively flooded our inbox with questions for us to answer as we celebrate two years of mostly solid, but occasionally loose and watery, bullshit.
Join Liz, Dan, Kit, MeganBob, Miles, and Colin (all together on the same episode!) as they discuss their favorite Magic: The Gathering colors, which sit-com characters would make the best superhero team, where each of them stands on religion, and many other subjects both silly and serious. And thank you so much for helping us get where we are today, even if none of us are entirely sure where that is. We couldn't do it without you.