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Smash Fiction is a debate-style comedy podcast in which a rotating cast of nerds argue on behalf of their chosen fictional characters. Only one can win!

May 24, 2020

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for January 2018. The original description follows:

Thanks to your continued support, I am... proud?... to bring you the latest bonus episode of Extraordinary League!

It all started with a simple question I posed to myself: what would happen if a bunch of League characters got on a train? The answer ended up involving a lot more improvisation, sky pirates, and ghosts than you might initially think. I'm so grateful to all of you for making this possible--I hope you have as much fun listening to to it as we had making it.

-Dan

May 10, 2020

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for December 2017. The original description follows:

Welcome to another bonus episode featuring your favorite curmudgeonly Smash Fiction host ranting about something he hates! This time around, you folks voted for something that most other people hate, too--the Star Wars prequels. Dan Mulkerin joins me for a discussion on all things that happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, with emphasis on how, why, and to what degree Episodes 1-3 sucked. From Jesus analogues to death by loss of willpower to inexplicable hostility toward sand, the prequels don't stand a chance against us. After all, we have the high ground.

-Miles

May 3, 2020

This episode originally aired on Patreon as a public bonus episode in November 2017. The original description follows:

Since we try to keep our episodes around an hour long, sometimes Miles has to leave a lot of side talk on the cutting room floor. But sometimes that side talk is just a little too...flavorful.

Enjoy this free-for-all pre-show bonus snippet from our Thor/Wonder Woman episode, but beware. It's a little spicy.

Apr 26, 2020

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for October 2017. The original description follows:

Hey folks. This month our bonus content is gonna be part of a possible series that I'm calling "Itchy Brains," where for once in our miserable lives, we yell a little less and think a little more. Each episode, we address some sort of concept in creativity by discussing how it has been applied for good or for ill in your favorite art, then guess what! We also talk about how the principles that we discuss can be used when you make works of art of your own.

This time, me and Dan and Kit are talking about "Unanswered Questions" through the examples of Steven Universe and Shadow of the Colossus. Why are there five gems on that door? What's a Dormin? What am gem? Why eating lizards make climb good? WARNING: If you listen to this episode, you'll never have an excuse to write terrible exposition again!

Let us know what you think and if you're interested in hearing more!

-Claire

Apr 12, 2020

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for September 2017. The original description follows:

Oh man, where to start with this bizarre song. As decided by many of you, I was tasked with writing a song about Dante's aversion to clothing. Honestly, I couldn't have been happier, so good job! In League, Dante really likes to tear his clothes off. I don't know how or why I came up with this character convention but it happened for better or worse. It's worked so far in game so it's probably here to stay.

Anyways, for the lyrics, I had to incorporate some fun events where the clothes tearing actually worked (sort of). During the fight with Dracula, Dante tore off his clothes and successfully stole his cape! During the League's stay in Westeros, there was a "romantic" rendezvous between Dante and Mordin, which, you guessed it! Involved Dante striking a bare ass pose.

For the music, I knew I had to do something strange. For the intro, I tried to emulate Sir Mix a Lot's "Baby Got Back" because I figured Dante probably thinks that is how people view him, the egomaniac! For the rest of the song, I tried to emulate Devil May Cry's hard rock soundtracks. I knew it had to be loud and crazy and full of distortion.

Thank you for listening.

-Liz

LYRICS for "A Body of Art...Work"

Oh my God, have you seen Dante?
His abs are like, so defined.
Oh my God, how do you know that?
Oh my God, how do you know that?
Because he never wears a shirt silly!
Because he never wears a shirt silly!

Why would you want to hide it?
Don't you want to find it?
I'm basically beautiful,
And I've got a beard, that's important.

Things, kilts, footie pajamas, red coat, white shirt, black pants, big boots, I hate it all!
That's right, you heard me, I hate it all!
This is getting too long now and I don't know what to say anymore, LET'S GO!

TEAR IT OFF!

I've tried tank tops, I've tried coats and pants and those sweet ass boots.
Try a sock? I think not.
Nothing quite compares to that wind up my derriere!
And it looks really nice, I mean, I've been told that before, I believe it, uh anyways uh, moving on.

No one can resist my super good looking nakedness.
So why wear clothes, when I can strike a bare ass pose?

You cannot stop it, I know you like it, don't be ashamed because I cannot blame you.
I'm going to do my part, because my body is pure art!

TEAR IT OFF!

My power is increased, when my clothing is deceased.
Go ask Dracula.
My shining chest, is just the best.
Go ask Mordana.

I can't really talk well, but I'm really good at tearing shit off.
Clothes just suck a bunch, and I'd rather wear my lunch...ABLES!

Oh my God, Dante.

Apr 5, 2020

This episode originally aired on Patreon as a public bonus episode in September 2017. The original description follows:

During some behind-the-scenes silliness, Space Jam came up in a random discussion (because of course it did). Kit requested that Miles isolate this clip of Liz and Bob's combined awesomeness to turn into an alert tone for her phone. Miles did the thing. And it was good.

Now we leave it here for all to enjoy and use for whatever space and hoop needs you may have.

Mar 29, 2020

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for August 2017. The original description follows:

We asked you what you wanted in the crosshairs of my neverending hatred, and the majority of you chose Terminator 2: Judgment Day, a film considered by many to be a legitimately great movie and considered by me to be kind of a pile of crap. The question of why I dislike Terminator 2 has been floating around the Smash Fiction oeuvre for a while now, and now the answer lies before you!

But this bonus episode isn't just me ranting! Our very own Colin Mulkerin joined me moments after exiting a theatrical screening of Terminator 2, and what you're about to hear is our in-depth conversation about the film, from shaky time travel continuity to surprisingly awesome 1991 special effects to James Cameron's inexplicable love of turning horror movies into action movies. Please enjoy, and thank you so much for your support!

-Miles

Mar 15, 2020

This episode originally aired as the Patreon bonus episode for July 2017. The original description follows:

Well, you did it. We sent out a poll at the beginning of the month to see which characters you'd like our hosts to play, and boy howdy did you respond. I just want to say that I claim zero responsibility for what ended up happening when this particular combination of characters was put together.

Seriously though, this episode ended up being extremely fun. Listen in to find out what happens when a ragtag group of League rejects is pulled in to defend a helpless Eternian town from a group of dangerous raiders... and sets out to figure out what's really going on. Speeches are given. Weapons are dropped. The Cheats are kicked. One of the characters spends about half of the episode running around naked. It's kind of great.

-Dan

Mar 1, 2020

Everyone loves an encore, right?

Book, music, and lyrics by Claire Mulkerin, with assistance from Miles Schneiderman, Kit Mulkerin, Dan Mulkerin, Liz Logan, and Meganbob.

Feb 16, 2020

If you're hurting for some more Smash Fiction content, we have a blast from the past for you! Cast your mind to Phoenix, Arizona, back to the halcyon days of 2018, where Miles, Sharon, and Matias hosted a Surprise Party panel! Listen as three unwitting volunteers find themselves drawing characters from sources like Ben 10, Akira, Warhammer 40,000, Gravity Falls, and a surprising number of actual living people, and then send their parties on an epic quest for real, physical prizes! It's fun for the whole family! Presuming, of course, your family is a bunch of nerds.

Feb 2, 2020

Our heroes say goodbye.

Music from https://filmmusic.io "Motherlode" and "District Four" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com). License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Additional music and sounds from tabletopaudio.com

Jan 19, 2020

This is it: the final, climactic end of the Smash Fiction saga! As we prepare to draw the curtain on this story, we gather together for one final, over-the-top contest of strength, wits, and bullshit. We've seen fifty characters rise to victory over the course of season 3, but only one of them will ascend to the truly elevated status of SMASH BASH champion!

The show may be coming to a close, but we have plenty of plans for the future, so make sure you stick around till the end of the episode to hear what to expect from us very soon. Thank you for such an amazing ride!

Theme song is from https://filmmusic.io - "Hitman" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com). License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Jan 12, 2020

The Smash Fiction saga comes to a climactic finish with our final match! That Tome of Eternal Darkness is up to its old tricks, and with its current hamburger-obsessed host proving to be a bit lackluster, the book stretches its dark tendrils across time and space in search of more fertile minds to corrupt. What it finds are three Jedi at the height of their respective powers. All three want to destroy the book... but none are willing to trust the tome's destruction to a lesser Force user.

Rafael Medina joins us once more as we ask: Will Revenge of the Sith-era Obi-Wan's training, experience, and command of the high ground lead him to success? Will Rise of Skywalker-era Rey prove that these other two should stay in the past where they belong? Or will Return of the Jedi-era Luke Skywalker go down to Tosche Station to pick up the power converters... of victory?

Jan 5, 2020

It all comes down to this.

Additional music from https://filmmusic.io - "Take a Chance" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com). License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Dec 29, 2019

Sometimes the holidays come and go and you still haven't gotten everything on your wishlist. Somehow, no one noticed your specific requests for bad accents and worse puns. Well, fret no more, because we're sending off 2019 in style with the final episode of Ship Wrecked!

That's right, we've gathered together four of the nastiest characters from fiction in an effort to see if any of them are capable of finding true love. Can characters from Final FantasySteven UniverseCall of Duty, and the works of Dr. Seuss navigate both the pitfalls of relationships and the challenges put forth by our capricious host? Come for the shipping, stay for the unexpected plot developments!

Additional sound effects from sydneyturner.com and from youtube.com/watch?v=U34MegCHlig.

Dec 22, 2019

It's that time of year once again, listeners: time for the fifth annual Cage Match! That's right, we have a collection of characters from across Nicolas Cage's filmography gathered together in the squared circle for a no-holds-barred fight to the finish. Will The Rock's Stanley Goodspeed avoid the flaming trolley car of defeat? Can Terence McDonagh of Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans put enough drugs into his system to alchemically transform himself into a winner? Can Sean Archer succeed where his Face/Off costar Castor Troy failed? And what the hell is Joe Majors from Between Worlds doing here anyway?

Dec 15, 2019

Are you looking for gardening guidance but can’t stand the vague, wishy-washy answers to your plant problems? Are you sick and tired of advice from people you wouldn’t trust to peel an orange, much less fertilize an orchid?

Well you're in luck, because it is I, Skeletor, here casting pods at you. If you know anything about my work, and you should, it's that I am the sworn enemy of He-Man and the rightful Master of the Universe! What you may not know is that I'm also the rightful master of gardening!

Overwatering? Underwatering? Not sure how to water your plants? NOT ON MY WATCH. Garden Plots with Skeletor is a scheme, I mean podcast, that will save your plants from your black-thumbed buffoonery and will turn you into… well, it will not turn you a Master of the Universe, but it will make you a less incompetent gardener! With my commands, your backyard will flourish, your window boxes will blossom, and you’ll finally get that cool ‘urban jungle’ look that people keep talking about.

Most importantly, you won’t disappoint me, which is something I assure you you would be wise to avoid.

Subscribe to Garden Plots with Skeletor wherever you get your podcasts. Garden Plots with Skeletor! Scheming to keep your greens… green.

Dec 15, 2019

In the year 2183, a discovery is made that will shake interstellar society to its core and change the face of the galaxy forever. With the fate of humanity itself hanging in the balance, what we need now more than ever... is a group of seemingly random fictional characters!

That's right, Surprise Party warps in for one last mission as we tackle the seminal sci-fi video game Mass Effect! Join us as characters from ThunderCats, Animorphs, Fire Emblem, and many other fictional properties load their M-8 Avengers, check the alignment on the Mako, and board the Normandy for a morally-charged galactic adventure! Which fictional character will Dan leave to die on Virmire? Which characters will Meganbob ship into having a steamy cutscene together? Can any of Kit's characters even use a gun? There's only one way to find out!

Dec 8, 2019

There's multitalented characters and then there's multitalented characters. In this match, we compare the most overqualified contestants possible for our Polymathlete Decathlon. No other podcast has the brilliance, the vision, the madness to bring together Mario of video game fame, Barbie of plastic toy fame, and Buckaroo Banzai of cult classic film fame. You'd think by episode 148 we've already reached the heights of weirdness we're capable of, but this episode proves that there's no upper limit to our insanity. 

Listen as Claire dives deep into the vast back catalog of Mario media, Liz calls reality into question (more than once), and MeganBob drives a taxi for a bit. Stay strapped in for one of the most out of the box rounds of rebuttals we've ever had.

Dec 1, 2019

Despite all their planning and preparation, the League find themselves on the back foot as the Doom Star reaches completion. All that's left now is a last-ditch attempt to try and destroy it before the Father of Machines uses it to conquer the multiverse once and for all. Will the combined might of the Extraordinary League be enough to break Phyrexia's ultimate weapon, or will our heroes find themselves... doomed?

Stitch builds a pepperoni effigy; Luna reaches out with her feelings; Archer has one more for the road; and Mordin learns from the best.

Thanks again to Mr. Jumbo for this episode's intro music! Check out more of his works at youtube.com/jumboguitarist.

Nov 24, 2019

The fourth and final Smash Fiction elemental free-for-all hits like an avalanche as three terrakinetics throw down for supremacy! The dragon Deathwing looks to celebrate his previous conquests and set the stage for his next glorious victory by staging a tournament of earth-users. Three magic portals later, he has his competitors: Toph Beifong from Avatar: The Last Airbender, Alex Louis Armstrong from Fullmetal Alchemist, and Terra of the Teen Titans from DC Comics!

Which dirt-flinging powerhouse will win the favor of Deathwing the Destroyer? And more importantly, can Claire, Dan, and Kit survive that most earth-shattering of threats: a Liz Logan lightning round?!

Nov 17, 2019

You know how some movies become so widely-seen and are so influential that they become an unavoidable part of everyday life? The kinds of movies that you just HAVE to see? Well that's what we have for you in the lab today. It was inevitable, really. I mean, not only do we have characters from Ponyo, Transformers, There Will Be Blood, and The Muppets, but we also have podcaster (and lead character designer from Archer) Shannon Manor lending her talents to the episode!

You HAVE to listen to this one. Otherwise how are you going to get all the jokes about goats, future ties, and close-up magic that all the cool kids are telling?

Nov 10, 2019

Boy, that Parker luck really is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it? When the Daily Bugle's most mediocre photographer gets sent to Gotham City to capture some images of the psychological hospital and prison known as Arkham Asylum, he ends up at ground zero for a huge breakout of superpowered psychopaths. This may not, strictly speaking, be a job for Spider-Man... but he's the only person who could possibly take on the many supervillains that are now running free through the asylum's darkened hallways. Will Spider-Man catch these criminals just like flies, or will the combined forces of Harley Quinn, the Scarecrow, Killer Croc, Bane, Poison Ivy, and the Joker have the last laugh?

We have neither the great power nor the great responsibility to tackle this issue on our own. Fortunately we managed to rope in author, podcaster, and superhero scholar Joshua Unruh to break down comics' greatest rogues' gallery! Join us as Claire employs some psychological warfare of her own, Dan tries VERY HARD to be objective, Meganbob sexualizes the asylum itself, and Miles takes a bow in his final episode as a judge!

Nov 3, 2019

While the rest of the League work to prepare for the final battle against Doom and his forces, Mordin takes a small group to a different world in search of the final gemstone to defeat Phyrexia. They'll soon find, however, that this is a dangerous world, that the Phyrexians are not far behind, and that, even in the remote parts of the multiverse, they can always find a familiar face.

Mordin tries on an old look; Sombra really needs to be nerfed; Titania gives out some questionable boons; Elijah Snow fights fire without fire; and Skeletor battles the fearsome branch troll.

Special thanks to both Mr. Jumbo for the intro music (youtube.com/jumboguitarist) and to Sound Makers for the special character theme halfway through the episode (youtube.com/bobthesheep22)!

Oct 27, 2019

Smash Fiction has always been about answering the oldest questions, and on this final episode of Smashtoberfest, we answer one of the oldest: Which Death is the best Death? It's a Death-Off, you might call it. Or maybe a Death Match. A Death Fight. A Death Conflict. A War of Deaths. A High-Tension Situation Between Deaths. A Deathybrook. I don't know, maybe there's some other, more marketable term for this kind of thing that could conceivably become popular on a platform like YouTube, but I'm sure I don't know what it is.

Anyway, when the afterlife suddenly has an opening at the position of psychopomp, four fictional Deaths arrive to apply for the job. Death from Discworld writes out his application in all caps; Death from Sandman shows up for her interview in an outfit so outlandishly gothy that only she could possibly pull it off; Death from Bill And Ted's Bogus Journey is ready to show off a wide range of gaming skills; and nobody from Afterlife Resources is quite prepared when it's time to meet Joe Black. Which Death will successfully demonstrate their skill at transitioning souls to the next life and snag the gig with the biggest scythe (not to mention some sweet benefits)?

Sharon Schneiderman returns to help us find out in an episode that, with no adult supervision in sight, rapidly descends into ridiculous chaos, never to recover. Also, Liz Logan outsources her argument, MeganBob demands softnessfaction, and Miles bullshits his last.

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